


Dear Mom,

by Drapetomania



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Letter, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-10-19 06:49:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17596490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drapetomania/pseuds/Drapetomania
Summary: Derek writes a letter"Please tell everyoneI'm sorry"





	Dear Mom,

Dear Mom,

I haven’t talked to you in a while now  
because the words get stuck in my throat,  
like I’m five again,  
alone on a strange playground  
for the first time,  
my teeth biting my lip from the inside  
because for the first time  
I had to hide who I was,  
and I’ve never written a letter  
because it’s just a piece of paper –  
how’s it supposed to get to heaven?

And then I thought,  
you wouldn’t want to hear from me anyway,  
after what I did to you  
and everyone you loved.

You can’t hear or read or see anymore after all,  
you’re just ashes strewn across the forest grounds,  
a hollow headstone with your name  
and 8 others now.

Please tell everyone  
I’m sorry.

I have a feeling you’d forgive me,  
just like you forgave my piercing blue eyes,  
even though I don’t deserve it –  
never deserved it –  
but I think I’m ready to accept it now  
because I want to believe in you  
and I think I found a piece of you alive in me.

I want to carry your wise words out into the world,  
spread your kindness and save others the way you saved me.

I think I’m ready.

I used to fall asleep  
hoping I’ll never have to open my eyes again  
because there was nothing to see  
but the burned out frame of what was once home –  
I’d forgotten what that word meant –  
and every time I fell,  
I’d hoped it was for the last time  
and every time I bled  
I’d hope to bleed out  
because I didn’t have the strength to heal inside  
the way my skin did,  
so flawlessly,  
the opposite of me.

But then there was this boy,  
and every time I woke to the sight of his face,  
amber-brown eyes blown wide,  
with relief apparently,  
as he said,  
“oh, thank god, you’re alive.”

It made me want to punch him  
to prove there was no good in that.

I never asked him to stay but he did it anyway,  
until I started expecting him around  
any time I needed to be saved.

It felt like I had no choice at first,  
it was just another thing life had lined up for me,  
until I realized I started hoping I’d survive  
and even,  
maybe,  
sometimes,  
feeling alive.

He makes me feel like maybe  
everyone’s a little broken,  
at least,  
some more,  
other’s less,  
but it’s okay,  
everyone still deserves to live,  
and love.

There’s something about this boy,  
he’s safe even in my dreams,  
like a golden sunset,  
coming home after a long day and finally getting to rest.

I think I want to stay,  
for him alone,  
to make sure he’s okay,  
even if he sees me in no other way but a friend.

For once I want to succeed,  
I don’t want anyone to leave,  
I don’t want to run away.

So, I think I’ll stay,  
on this earth,  
for just a while longer,  
Mom,  
and I think I’ll be okay.

I think I’m ready to be happy.


End file.
